The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

Humor and Satire

Archives for October 2017

Millennials are Murdering Murder

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As a longtime citizen of this country and staunch defender of time-honored values, I can get over a lot of the baloney that those young so-called “Millennials” have done in their recent society-destroying years, but now they have gone too far. First they came for manners, and then they eradicated the 9-5 workday, but now, they have the gall to destroy a time-honored tenement of … [Read more...] about Millennials are Murdering Murder

Trust Me — I Know A Ton of Brothers

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Hey! My man! what’s going on? Party looks pretty lit! You, uh, think you could possibly let ya boi in?  That would be, just, beyond dope.Oh? What brothers do I know? A bunch, for sure!  Yep, I know lots of those.For one, my best friend in 1st grade was black. We did damn near everything together, from kickball to, uh, all the other playground shit. Pretty sure he … [Read more...] about Trust Me — I Know A Ton of Brothers

Op-Ed: I Just Really Like Guns

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As a lifelong gun owner and member of the National Rifle Association, I feel it is incumbent upon me, in the aftermath of the worst mass shooting in United States history, to explain my position on guns and why I believe we should not revert to slipshod policies on gun control to address the issue.I’m not going to inundate you with statistics, graphs, or facts in support of my … [Read more...] about Op-Ed: I Just Really Like Guns

Vanderbilt Campus Dining Reviews Part 3

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Rocket Subs (Morgan and Towers): This is where dreams go to die. Actually, eating here reminds me that I never had any hopes or dreams in the first place. The best way I can describe this place is that it’s a slightly worse version of Subway: The bread is slightly more stale. The people are slightly more depressed. Hell, it even turned into a fledgling chain restaurant when the … [Read more...] about Vanderbilt Campus Dining Reviews Part 3