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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for November 2016

An Interview With Aristotle on the 2016 Election

November 8, 2016 by Slant Staff

Flowy tops, gladiator sandals, and lusciously curly beards might seem fitting for the hipster scene of an off-campus Starbucks, but heads turn when someone walks in sporting all three. The Slant was fortunate enough to sit down with Greek philosopher Aristotle this afternoon to discuss this divisive presidential election. As the founder of the field of political science, he … [Read more...] about An Interview With Aristotle on the 2016 Election

Op-Ed: I’ve never done one of these prayer things before…

November 8, 2016 by Slant Staff

Dear God,First of all, sorry I denied Your existence all these years. I guess I just never thought it would come to this, but the election is today, so I thought I’d hit You up just to be safe. You’ve probably heard, but our country is on the verge of electing a greasy genital-grabbing goblin to the highest office.The following is a list of actions I promise to take in order to … [Read more...] about Op-Ed: I’ve never done one of these prayer things before…

Voters in Gerrymandered District Under Illusion That Their Votes Actually Matter In Local Elections

November 8, 2016 by Slant Staff

RALEIGH, North Carolina – Two residents of North Carolina’s 4th Congressional District, Bob Smith and Carol Wingfeather, have repeatedly maintained civil discourse over their varying political beliefs during their weekly Sunday tea times, agreeing that despite their differences they are proud to call themselves American as they strongly believe in the country’s democratic … [Read more...] about Voters in Gerrymandered District Under Illusion That Their Votes Actually Matter In Local Elections

7 Pictures of Hairless Land Mammals to Boost Your Self Esteem If You Think You’re Ugly

November 8, 2016 by Slant Staff

Do you think you’re ugly? Consider yourself lucky. You happened to be born as one of the few decently attractive hairless land mammals. Check out this ugly beast. It will make you feel better about yourself, I promise.   That didn’t do it for you? Huh. I bet I have something even uglier. You like cats? Cats are usually pretty cute? What about this cat? Surely, this fucker … [Read more...] about 7 Pictures of Hairless Land Mammals to Boost Your Self Esteem If You Think You’re Ugly

Special Report: Man Thinks Both Hillary and Donald Trump Are Amazing

November 8, 2016 by Slant Staff

In a small suburb in Connecticut, Dom Asbriks has just finished watching a Trump rally with tears in his eyes. He proceeds to click on a Hillary rally, his cheeks flushed with excitement. Dom’s home is cluttered with signs from both sides littering every countertop. Upon entering, he winked at a 10 ft poster of what we at The Slant believe to be some sort of moldy orange. He … [Read more...] about Special Report: Man Thinks Both Hillary and Donald Trump Are Amazing

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

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