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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for November 2016

International Student Surprised to Find Marijuana Already Legal for the Rich, Privileged in America

November 28, 2016 by Slant Staff

NASHVILLE, TN – As the topic of marijuana continues to make national headlines with the issues regarding the decriminalization and legalization of marijuana, Jonathan, an international student from the Netherlands, prepared himself for America’s strict drug policy. In an exclusive interview with The Slant, Jonathan revealed that he was pretty used to openly using marijuana in … [Read more...] about International Student Surprised to Find Marijuana Already Legal for the Rich, Privileged in America

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Talking About Politics at Thanksgiving

November 23, 2016 by Slant Staff

10. Make sure your mouth is always full of mashed potatoes. 9. Eat so much turkey that the tryptophan knocks you out until 2020. 8. Talk about your love life and the classes you are failing. 7. Constant, low-tone screaming. 6. Crawl on the ceiling with your head spinning like in The Exorcist. 5. Throw up on the nice carpet. 4. Release hundreds of crickets into your … [Read more...] about Top 10 Ways to Avoid Talking About Politics at Thanksgiving

Trump Taps Your “Old-Fashioned” Grandpa for Presidential Cabinet

November 23, 2016 by Adam Doner

Just weeks after his victory, President-elect Trump has started to assemble the Cabinet that will advise him on policy for the next four years. Current prospective members include Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, and, most notably, your grandfather (the cranky one). Sources close to your grandfather report that this is a positive development for him, given that he’s been looking for … [Read more...] about Trump Taps Your “Old-Fashioned” Grandpa for Presidential Cabinet

Bitchin’ Kitchen: Election Cookies

November 9, 2016 by Katie Means

It’s a fine fall day, and you’re admiring the gorgeous red and yellow leaves on the trees until you realize...it’s Election Day. Go hide inside, away from people, and settle in with some delicious cookies designed to help you deal with the toll this election has imparted upon us all. Ingredients1 cup pumpkin spice1 cup flour½ stick butter2 tbs. granulated sugar100mg Xanax61 … [Read more...] about Bitchin’ Kitchen: Election Cookies

The Slant Presents: Live Blog of the Election Results

November 9, 2016 by Slant Staff

6:09 PM: We immediately began panicking at the sight of Trump winning Kentucky and Indiana. We are as surprised at this as we were to find out that a man with the last name of Weiner would have a sex scandal. 6:17 PM: It's possible that Trump might win Florida. We just had a minor scare. We've broken out the alcohol. 6:32 PM: With 1% of votes in, Trump is still … [Read more...] about The Slant Presents: Live Blog of the Election Results

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