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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for October 2016

Top Ten Things That Are Stranger Than Hit Netflix Show, Stranger Things

October 23, 2016 by Slant Staff

1) The fact that the two phrases “I'm up for that” and “I’m down for that” convey the same exact message. I am neither up nor down for that. Jury’s still out on whether or not I’m sideways for it.2) Bush doing things other than 9/11.3) The reality that Mahatma Gandhi never actually said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”.4) Mahatma Gandhi’s birth certificate, which … [Read more...] about Top Ten Things That Are Stranger Than Hit Netflix Show, Stranger Things

Your Homecoming Tailgate Experience Based on Your Horoscope

October 22, 2016 by Katie Means

It’s homecoming weekend. Alumni are back on campus, ready to relive their glory days, freshmen are waking up with the realization that they hooked up with an ugly 24 year old last night, and Vanderbilt Football is getting hyped up for a game we hopefully won’t lose. But what’s in store this weekend for you? The Slant consulted our horoscope guru to find out. (We still don’t … [Read more...] about Your Homecoming Tailgate Experience Based on Your Horoscope

Amid Approaching Exams, Single Fuck Fears He Might Not Be Given by Owner

October 21, 2016 by Slant Staff

NASHVILLE, TN - When freshman Quincy Cornelius Irving arrived on move-in day from Chicago, he brought along an ample amount of fucks. Quincy started off with meticulous study habits and attended all of his classes while maintaining good grades. As the semester progressed, he continued to give fucks about his exams and homework assignments. For instance, he gave a fuck, Bob, … [Read more...] about Amid Approaching Exams, Single Fuck Fears He Might Not Be Given by Owner

Chancellor Zeppos Declares Martial Law After “Numerous Clowns” Spotted on Vanderbilt Campus

October 21, 2016 by Slant Staff

NASHVILLE, TN – At the end of today’s business day, Chancellor Zeppos is scheduled to issue a university-wide state of emergency after numerous clown sightings were reported by students and staff last night. The University has mandated a 9 p.m. curfew for all students, suspending extracurricular activities and meetings that extend beyond 8:30 p.m. on weekdays and 9 p.m. on … [Read more...] about Chancellor Zeppos Declares Martial Law After “Numerous Clowns” Spotted on Vanderbilt Campus

Haikyuu!!

October 21, 2016 by Slant Staff

baka otakuboku no senpaikawaii desu!  … [Read more...] about Haikyuu!!

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

By Sam Sliman
Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be enti Victim of financial aid collusion? You may be entitled to one free meal swipe

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