NASHVILLE, TN—Located in the quaint section of Nashville near another esteemed establishment, Lonnie’s, Piranha’s Bar and Grill has been hailed as one of Nashville’s crown jewels for Vanderbilt students. Recently this semester, there has been a reported decrease in Piranhas attendance shortly after idgod, the nation’s leading producer of underage IDs, issued a public statement that “IDs ordered during the past two weeks would be shipped in 15 business days.” The campus student body experienced shock and devastation after Piranha’s announced that in four weeks they will be closing their doors to be converted into a Frozen Yogurt location.
Denying any association between idgod and decreased attendance, TJ, a weekend bouncer, commented that Piranha’s has been a beacon of interstate commerce: folks from all over the country- Washington, New York, Rhode Island – frequent the bar. “I really feel that while bouncers tend to see IDs from Tennessee, Piranha’s gets a lot of IDs from small northeastern states.” (The Slant discovered that Murray House had ordered Washington, New York, and Rhode Island IDs in bulk from idgod. TJ chalked this up to mere coincidence.) While it is not confirmed that Piranha’s is in fact a paragon of diversity of 21 year olds from across America, Vanderbilt freshmen have expressed disappointment that they will have to find new establishments in Nashville at which to engage in extracurricular shenanigans.