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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Archives for September 2016

Your UF Tailgate Experience According to Your Horoscope

September 30, 2016 by Katie Means

The astrological forces have been waiting for this day, and it’s now less than 24 hours away. The UF tailgate is a highly anticipated cosmic event, so it’s best to stay informed. The Slant checked in with our Horoscope Guru to get the scoop on what’ll go down. Editor’s note: A new star sign has been discovered, but as Ophiuchus is the Hufflepuff of the star signs, we don’t … [Read more...] about Your UF Tailgate Experience According to Your Horoscope

Statement of Our Mission to State the Mission Statement

September 30, 2016 by Slant Staff

Here at this prestigious college, university, and center of higher learning and education, we value the valuing of valuable values and strive to excel excellently in all excellent areas of excellence. We uphold the highest of standards that go far above the standards, for we stand for standing above standards. Our mission is facilitated on the facilitation of faculty. This is a … [Read more...] about Statement of Our Mission to State the Mission Statement

Op-Ed: I Have Never Heard of Judith Butler, But I Have a Valid Opinion on Why Feminists are Wrong

September 30, 2016 by Slant Staff

Let me get this out first: I have never read Judith Butler’s seminal Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity, and I don’t presently intend to. But I do intend to voice my important, well-informed, noteworthy opinion on why feminism is stupid anywhere the internet gives me space to, which is everywhere. Now, maybe I don’t know Simone de Beauvoir (and I certainly … [Read more...] about Op-Ed: I Have Never Heard of Judith Butler, But I Have a Valid Opinion on Why Feminists are Wrong

Concerns For Clinton Presidency Arise Surrounding Severe Medical Condition

September 26, 2016 by Slant Staff

After recent news that Hillary Clinton has developed a case of pneumonia, voters and officials from both sides of the aisle are becoming concerned with the candidate’s bid for the White House. As the skepticism surrounding the Democratic hopeful’s physical fitness to serve as commander-in-chief grows, The Slant interviews Brad, a pre-med freshman who has conducted extensive … [Read more...] about Concerns For Clinton Presidency Arise Surrounding Severe Medical Condition

Piranha’s Forced to Close After Decreased Attendance From idgod Backlog

September 26, 2016 by Slant Staff

NASHVILLE, TN—Located in the quaint section of Nashville near another esteemed establishment, Lonnie’s, Piranha’s Bar and Grill has been hailed as one of Nashville’s crown jewels for Vanderbilt students. Recently this semester, there has been a reported decrease in Piranhas attendance shortly after idgod, the nation’s leading producer of underage IDs, issued a public statement … [Read more...] about Piranha’s Forced to Close After Decreased Attendance From idgod Backlog

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A time honored Vanderbilt tradition By Estelle Sh A time honored Vanderbilt tradition

By Estelle Shaya
Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the commen Drop your best 2026 admissions stats in the comments
@quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three @quinnxcii We’ll back off in exchange for three (3) VIP Coachella tickets
Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Apparently next Oscars will feature Guillermo Del Toro and Timothee Chalamet wrestling in a kiddie pool full of Jello

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Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander Stay tuned for more Vandy logo slander
You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fi You can’t fix your bracket, but you can still fix your mental health.

By Jack Hollier
Very Important! Please read By Damian Ho Very Important! Please read

By Damian Ho
Wow! This is so inspiring! Wow! This is so inspiring!
It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much mo It’s not his fault that fossil fuels are much more profitable than universities

By Sam Sliman
EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCE EVERYTHING IS FINE. THERE IS NO REASON TO BE CONCERNED.
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