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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

Humor and Satire

Archives for July 2016

How to Stay Frat Over the Summer

July 17, 2016 by Katie Means

Are you a frat god? Are you spending this summer at home or in a new city for an internship? Are you far away from frat bros and tailgates for the next two months? Never fear! The Slant’s got you covered and we’ll teach you how to be a #Fratstar all summer long – just follow these tips! 1. If you’re home for the summer, make sure you and your high school crew are taking weekly … [Read more...] about How to Stay Frat Over the Summer

8 Euro 2016 Players Hot Enough That I Would Use Latex Condoms During Sex With Them, Despite My Severe Allergy

July 5, 2016 by Slant Staff

Diagnosed at age 4, my severe latex allergy has affected nearly all aspects of my life. Now, as we near the halfway point of the 2016 UEFA Euro Cup, European national teams and their sexy players fight to continue to the knockout stages of the tournament. But despite my life-threatening allergies, I’m willing to sacrifice my physical well-being if it means getting a chance to … [Read more...] about 8 Euro 2016 Players Hot Enough That I Would Use Latex Condoms During Sex With Them, Despite My Severe Allergy

A New Planet

July 5, 2016 by Slant Staff

Its orbit elliptical, Its surface red and bright; The volcano on its surface spews a liquid white - A mountain is falling apart and being made new, on your face.  The planet rarely strays from its roots: Deep hairy follicles infected, Oozing with new matter To make this planet, on your face. Perhaps one day human society Will … [Read more...] about A New Planet

Fumes

July 5, 2016 by Slant Staff

I exit my dormGasping for fresh air.The hallway is full Of suffocating fumes. Damn coolers. … [Read more...] about Fumes

Fate

July 5, 2016 by Slant Staff

All of creationFrom the primordial poolTo the dinosaurs To the mammoths To us, Homo sapiens, The intelligent species,Happened by chance,An improbable miracle,Of stars aligning, atoms colliding,Your parents meeting,And making you,Only for you to sitIn my fucking seat,Asshole. … [Read more...] about Fate

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