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The Slant

Vanderbilt's Satirical Newspaper - Est. 1886

HUMOR AND SATIRE

Vanderbilt Grad Combines Nursery Tales with Potty Training

June 23, 2016 by Slant Staff

A new author has arrived on the children story scene.  Meet Pugh Daily, a twenty-five year old graduate of Vanderbilt University.  After working extensively with both children and the children’s book industry, he noticed a problem.

“Parents just don’t have the time to read potty training books and classic value-based stories to their children.  They have to choose between having a kid who craps all over the place and one who is illiterate, lacks values, and is essentially stupid.  It’s a hard choice that parents deal with every day.”

Pugh believes he has a solution.  

“Instead of forcing parents to choose, I decided to combine two.  It’s a perfect solution.”

Since this realization, Pugh has released countless titles, taking a big step in eliminating parenting crises.  His works seamlessly combine the two genres in a masterful way.

Some excerpts from his top works include:

“Humpty Dumpty sat on the pot.  Humpty Dumpty heard a great plop.  All of the mothers and all of the men, couldn’t flush poo down the potty again!” ~ Humpty Dumping 

“‘Someone sat on my big potty chair’, growled the Papa Bear.

“‘Someone sat on my small potty chair’, said the Mama Bear.

 “‘Someone sat in my medium potty chair, and the poop is still there!’ cried the Baby Bear.”              ~ Goldilocks Takes a Potty Break

“Goodnight poop.  Goodnight handle that flushes the poop.  Goodnight comfy toilet chair.  Goodnight floating piece of hair.” ~ Goodnight Poop

But Pugh did not limit himself to the short bedtime classics.  He also tackled some larger and more complex stories with his unique perspective.  

“Tackling a mixture of potty training with the morals of Aesop’s fables has been a real challenge,” said Pugh.  

Perhaps his most stunning work yet is his new age rendition of “The Tortoise and the Hare.”

“… as the villagers gathered to watch the two race to finish a bathroom showdown,  Hare jumped on the seat and squeezed and squeezed as hard as he could. Plop, plop.  The villagers sighed as they saw him take the early lead.  The tortoise eased onto his humble commode, slowly but steadily advancing his potty time.   The tortoise was confident, for he had eaten Raisin Bran for breakfast…” The moral of the story: fibers and whole wheats win the race. 

Pugh’s new story Poop Soup, challenges but enriches the age old “Stone Soup” story, showing how a child can, with smarts and cunning, create the perfect recipe for a quality poop soup.  Not only does it warm your heart, but it also reminds us that “you poop what you eat, from your butt to the street”.  A sequel, Poo Stew, releases later this summer.

But just when we thought Daily’s work couldn’t get any more creative, he recently told the press that he is coming out with a new young adult series.

“I wanted to combine the teenage worries about isolation, friendship, and identity, with informative sexual education.”

His first novel, You’re Going to Miss Me When I’m Gonorrhea is a heartfelt tale about an average teen whose social life is devastated by his smorgasbord of STDs.  Main character Jarrod bonds with an outcast group of friends while dealing with textbook symptoms of a ragtag group of diseases.  Can he survive middle school?

Needless to say, Pugh Daily is a true artist of the purest form.  Don’t be surprised if your children have to read Poop Soup alongside Twain and Dickens in English classes.  

 

 

 

Filed Under: News Tagged With: Books, Peabody

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